Growing weary of the workaday goat love
illustrations he was forced to ink in his own blood at the
Bolivian sweatshop into which he was born in 1972, twelve
year-old Rob Morphy struck out across the sea to seek his
fame and fortune.
Working as a “scallywag” on illegal Norwegian
whaling vessels, Morphy honed his illustration skills by sketching
prawns and other sea creatures in unusual (yet highly erotic)
poses. His work caught the attention of noted German industrialist,
Horst Heinholzer, who promptly purchased the complete collection.
Unfortunately, both the illustrations and Mr. Heinholzer’s
life were lost in a tragic “angry villagers with torches”
incident in Romania, in May of 1993.
After flunking out of DeVry University, Morphy briefly considering
a career in high piracy and dugong farming, but finally decided
to leave the salty sea air behind once and for all. He settled
down in New Mexico with his wife Consuelo and their six children.
Sadly, after just six months of domestic bliss, an unfortunate
series of run-ins with both werewolves, Soviet space debris
and a dyslexic Yakuza hit man, resulted in Morphy once again
being on his own.
After wandering aimlessly in the forest for a couple of years,
Morphy was taken in by a kindly Bigfoot family, wherein he
finally found the inner peace that had so long eluded him.
He became a member of their tribe and was given the name “Darryl.”
In the spring of 1999, Morphy and the family of voles who
had begun squatting in his beard reemerged in the wilds of
upstate New York to take the art world by storm… or
at least by annoying autumn drizzle, which can really soak
your clothes.
Morphy has worked as an illustrator for a plethora of zines,
websites, T-shirts, Xerox comics and other clients who’s
primary source of payments are beer and Taco Bell. Morphy
has also served as a graphic designer for such motion pictures
as “Blowin’ Smoke” and “Snuff.”
He has designed posters for the likes of The Eleventh Plague,
Super Dracula X, The Flaming Buddhas, Max Ochs, Eddie Gale,
The Beauty Scene Outlaws, Realm, Peterose and the Suicide
Thompson’s
As a writer Morphy has worked as a freelance journalist, a
movie critic and has written numerous screenplays including
an adaptation of Graham Masterson’s “The Hell
Candidate” and a rewrite on the Coen Brother’s
comedy “The Godmother,” both of which are hanging
in the hellish limbo of pre-production. Morphy also worked
closely with the world’s largest emerald exporter, Eishy
Hyata, on his autobiographical film “Emerald Cowboy.”
Morphy is an occasional monster hunter and acknowledged authority
in the field of cryptozoology. He is the primary author, artist
and researcher for www.americanmonsters.com and is the co-creator
of an “untitled monster hunting show,” which is
currently in production at a major cable network. (Yeah, I
know it sounds shady, but we’re under contract not to
say who it is until they make and officially announcement
and I’m far too poor to step on the big guy’s
toes!) Morphy has also been featured in numerous articles
about monster hunting and was a guest on the planet’s
largest late-night talk show Coast to Coast A.M.
Morphy currently resides in a haunted house in upstate New
York, where he watches Chinese vampire movies, draws pretty
pictures and writes books that are so good he refuses to let
anyone else read them. In his spare time he works on digging
a moat around his home to ensure his safety in the event of
an attack by a roving gang of marauding lemurs… and
mark my words, they will attack… good lord, how they
love the taste of human flesh.
